


OOPS! All STRINGS

by stipulativeTzigane



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Crying, Drinking & Talking, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Literal Sleeping Together, Men Crying, More Crying, POV Taako (The Adventure Zone), Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Cuddling, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 14:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15951155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane
Summary: a fic about emotions, set in nicer dorms of the B.O.B.in which: Magnus is bad at reading 'i want to bone'  signals. and Taako is bad at reading 'let's play board games' signals.orin which: Taako wants some uncomplicated 'just to dudes relieving some tension, no emotions needed' time with Magnus, and gets the exact opposite.





	OOPS! All STRINGS

****

Taako didn't love Magnus. Well, actually he did in that  _ ‘you're a friend who I love dearly, my life would be worse without you _ ’ sort of way. Magnus was Taako’s good friend, and that was fine for the both of them.  **_Except...._ **

Taako was also a man of needs. Some of those needs were normal animalistic desires that he had become adept at solving himself. Really nothing like a nice warm bath, and some interesting thoughts about Fantasy Dwayne Johnson couldn't solve. And that would be fine. except, there was another need, a deep ache in his chest, a soreness in his heart he couldn't name, or explain. A feeling of great loss, that tend to wake him in a cold sweat around 3am. 

He used to fill those needs (and many others) with wealthy inn-goers. Nothing like a night full of rampant homosexuality, followed by an early morning pawn-shop visit, to make the emptiness of centuries on the road fade away. 

But now Taako was stuck on the moon base. He was free to leave whenever he wanted of course. But now he had a whole entourage of people, who would want to know why. So Taako did some scouting of the single bachelors on the moon. It was a depressingly small pool, And Magnus was at the top. 

He was 100% single. Never once had Taako heard about a sweetheart, in fact, he was almost certain that the large man had not gotten any action the whole time Taako had known him.  **_Maybe that's why he was always so aggressive when he fought_ ** . Taako would lie if he said, he hadn't imagined that passion and aggression pointed towards himself. And he was large, underneath all that unkempt hair, was a lot of raw muscle, and Taako was convinced if he’d just shave a bit he'd be rather handsome (if in a rugged lumberjack way). So know after 3 months of lonely nights, Taako was starting to salivate at the maple syrup flavored, ax-wielding, Flannel Wrapped Fantasy, hed created. 

He was even pretty sure if he missed juggled Magnus was a good enough guy to just let it go. For some reason, Taaco felt inclined to Trust him with this, (and trust was not a small thing in Taako’s world). the only snag was that Magnus was straight. It hasn't stopped most of Takako's previous customers, (60% of them get over it with a skirt and a stiff drink) though some illusion helped occasionally. 

Taako wasn't sure if that was necessary or not, but about a week ago,  Merle had brought up the topics of “Types”. Taako had answered a cage, “Large and In charge” hoping to send some sort of subtle signal to Magnus.  But instead had had to listen to WAY too much of Merle’s explanation of Petal arrangements and Semin colors. Near the end, Magnus simply said “I like Red hair.... Curly Long Red hair” he sounded wistful. Like he had a specific set of features he knew off the top of his head. Taako hadn't found a way to push it without it being weird. He figured the hair change would be enough. 

ANd then Tonight came around. Merle was down on the planet, apparently visiting someone. And they had the Living space to themselves, He had bought a bottle of Sangria, and a new bottle of Fantasy nail polish, (deep red with gold foil flakes.)  and a moving scroll of ‘Homeward Bound’. They had painted nails and talked about beauty standards. Made a couple of suggestive jokes, The scroll was ending and Taako’s slow migration to Magnus's side of the couch was at a critical junction. he curled closer into Magnus’ warm side; a Muscular arm wrapped around him, wrestling and enormous hand somewhere close to his waist. 

**_I'm gonna get some tonight._ ** He made a pleased noise and placed a hand on the chest of Magnus’ worn T. not rubbing or exploring yet.  just placing his hand, raised scars pressed into his palm. Magnus gave a quick but intoxicated half smile, down to Taako. 

**_Oh, fuck! I'm way ganna get some!_ ** The movie was done, and Magnus stretched, and Yawned, Taako allowed himself to watch the individual muscles move in the large arms move, with _ Hungry Eyes _ . 

“Kinda sad its over,” Magnus said, hands touching the middle of his shoulder blades, back arched as he casually worked muscles Taako was 90% sure did not exist on his own wiry frame. “Your fun to hang out with.” he gave a drunk smile at Taako. Who was turning to recover from sudden dry-mouth but gave a sloppy nod.  **_it's been way too long since I've had some release, I can't remember the last time I was this dumbstruck by someone_ ** . 

“this couch is getting uncomfortable though, I think I have some stuff we can do in my room.”  **_oh shit!_ ** Mags was standing now, and taako was looking up at him from this angle. And Taako was glad he was sitting because his knees went weak.”ummm....you okay?” Taako blinked and forced his mouth to work.

“Yah just a bit tipsy.”  he lied.

“Oh.... if you want to go to sleep we can-”

“NO!”   **_that was a bit too loud_ ** “I mean, no if you wanna go to your bed,  then I want to....too” gods am I always this much of a mess when I flirt? 

“Cool!” Magnus gave an honest smile,” you grab whatever you need from out here, I need to powder my nose. “ He waggled two massive eyebrows with that. 

**_There are too many ‘a want to smooch your dumb face’ emotions for a successful string free hookup; maybe I should shop?_ ** Magnus stood, and walked away casually showing his fantastic ass at Taako's-eye-level. And with that Taako was scrambling to collect the Wine and a couple glasses and head into the bedroom. 

“Make yourself comfortable” Magnus called from the hallway as Taako stepped into Magnus bedroom. It was the same as his, except for a rag rug, and a rocking chair in the corner along with some other small things. Taako quickly set the alcohol on the bed stand, and Cast  **‘disguise self’** he felt as his long blonde hair, unraveled Ito deep red locks. His chest and lips swelled a bit, and there was an awkward click as his jaw reshaped more rounded. As he was pulling off the leggings that transformed his outfit from practical to scandalous. He could see the freckles on his long libs expand into a nice even tan. 

Now he had to get in a good pose. He decided on sitting in the center of the bed, facing the opposite window. Accentuating his curves and adding a bit of mystery. 

“I grabbed us some water to so we-” Magnus stopped. Takako's heartbeat stuttered too. It had been a while since someone stopped mid-sentence just to watch him. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel good. He slowly turned; letting the hair fall over to his back with the movement and prepared some ‘ _ come get me _ ’ eyes when he saw Magnus. 

**_Something's wrong_ ** . Magnus was shaking. mouth still open to finish his thought, Torchered eyes locked on Taako. 

“Mags?” his voice sounded useless. He moved off the bed towards the taller man, tears pooling down his face. Shoulders rolling with hiccupy- pre-sobs. The tray he was holding had a couple board games a picture of water and a cheese plate. The whole thing was tilting dangerously to the floor. Taako took it, from him and carefully set it down sudden very much out of his element. “Magnus,” he said more meaningfully. Taking the frill on his Lacy blouse to wipe away some of the tears. 

Magnus came undone, the full-blown sobs finally breaking past the shock. He unraveled into Taako's unprepared arms, pulling the thin frame to him and causing booth to land hard on their knees. The shock broke Taako's  **Concentration** and he dropped his spells. 

Taako was suddenly drowning in a broken man. Shuddering arms, cradling him to a broad chest, a mass of fur and tears pressed into his shoulder. And the wailing, shaking, violent sobs. It’s Terrifying to have someone so strong and capable breakdown in his arms. Taako felt so useless.

“Its... it's going to be okay............im,    so. .... so very, very sorry. Your... going to be .....fine”  he said bullshit ‘ _ what to say when someone cries _ ’, phrases. And awkwardly moved the arm he still could move to the back of Magnus’ head. Magnus was gasping for air now, trying to catch his breath, and for a second Taako was relieved that this was almost over. 

“I.... I, i” the man hiccuped, “I just miss her so much!” something deep in Takako's chest tore with recognition and Grief. Magnus crumbled farther large hands holding Taako’s back and waist. his head falling to his chest as if he was begging to the smaller man for mercy. But something dark was moving through Taako's mind, he felt tears prick at his eyes for the first time in Decades. His throat closing with an unvoiced sob. Suddenly he holding on to Magnus for support as well. 

“Mags i-” the tears stopped him, **_fuck_ ** he chastised as the first ones rolled down his cheeks. 

“She* was* my* ev* ry* thing” sobs staccatoed the phrase. It did nothing to quell the effect they had on Taako. He was shaking himself now with the force of not crying. Magnus had gigantic hiccups now, the kind that makes you choose between breathing and crying. He was slowing the sobs now, his breath ragged with relief and sorrow. Taako wasn't breathing at all, can't cry if you can't breathe. His hands clutching at Magnus's shirt.  

   Deep, shaky breaths pulled through Magnus, he squeezed Taako tighter for a second, as if to say _ ‘thank you, I know this is uncomfortable for you. you can go, I'll be fine.’  _  And tried to pull away. Taako clung to him. 

   “Taako?” the elf pressed his nose into Magnus’ neck refusing to let the man see his face.  **_Till the count of ten, to calm yourself down, then you go to your room and cast Sleep on yourself. One_ ** “Are * are,  you okay?”  **_Two._ ** Magnus’ large arms were wrapped around him now, not clinging to him but holding him. Gods when was the last time I was held properly?  **_Three._ ** “Were, going to ... to the bed, okay?” there was a carefulness to his voice. **_Four._ ** he was lifted effortlessly. The movement caused a breath to rattle through him. He squealed back a sob. “Its…. its okay, you can let go.”  **_Five._ ** Magnus laid him out on the bed tucking the smaller man into his chest and pulling a knitted throw over them.  **_Six._ ** Taako took in another breath, too much teeth, and speed to make it satisfying. 

“Taako...“ Magnus’ large hand stroked his hair  **_Seven._ ** “its okay” taako shook his head quickly, biting his tongue in hope that physical pain would distract him.  and felt Magnus give a sad nod. **_Eight_ ** . “Yah. it's not okay.” Taako felt another sob roll through the larger man it was more gentle then the ones before. “whatever happened, it isn't okay.”   **_Nine._ ** his palm was rubbing large stroked patterns across the whole of Taakos back. “But it's okay to cry about it “Magnus' voice was whispered to the top of his head, the warm breath getting trapped in Tesco's hair “I'll never tell”  **_Ten._ **

He broke. Clutching at Magnus as the unknown Greif washed over him, he felt like a shack caught in a storm, all windows rattling and boards creaking. He squirmed under the intensity of it fisting his hands in Magnus’ shirt and just cried. Like he hadn't since he was 12. He ran out of breath before he was done with the first wail. 

And Magnus just held him, rubbing his back and leaking his own tears onto the crown of his head. Taako didn't know how long it was, it could've been minutes or hours. Before he regained some semblance of composure. His voice was hoarse, and he was an absolute mess. Like winning a difficult fight. He looked up at the big man, silent tears were still tracking down his face, but he gave a knowing smile. There was a meaningful silence as their eyes met. Magnus moved an enormous hand to cup Taako’s sharp jaw, his thumb wiping away some tears. 

“Her name was Julia.” he said her name as a prayer. His eyes looking past Taako’s features. “We were partners, in everything.” Taako watched fascinated as Magnus spoke so honestly, it seemed somehow religious “Partners in Rebellion, Business partners, equal part Homeowners, a Marriage partnership. We were equals. Not two halves of the same whole but two wholes, wholly committed to making bigger than just the two of us combined.“ he had a distant smile, as he spoke now. “We shared everything, mind body soul. Not because we didn't have enough to go around but for the pure joy of having each other.” there were tears still. 

“I didn't... I don't give her my all, or leave a piece of my heart with her. She.... she already had them.” sobs were coming again. “She already Was them.” he just was letting himself cry, not trying to hold back the sobs or swallow down the shakiness in his voice. “Not to say it was easy, or perfect. She was strong headed, and she worried too much. She would turn that doubt out to me. And I would be more stubborn, and I'd get all upset, and do a big dramatic something instead of just talking.....” he stopped as his voice shook too much to understand it. “But even then, I knew we’d always.......” be seemed to realize Taako was watching him for the first time. He smiled painfully.

“I like to think she can see me.” he was meeting Taako's gaze as if explaining something. “I try to make her proud, she's my Wife. we're still partners, just because she's-” he shut his eyes, holding Taako closer for what felt like forever. “Thanks, It helps to say it out loud sometimes, you know....”

Taako suddenly felt as if he should respond with the name of his dead wife. But he didn't have one, he’d never been that close to someone, he'd always been alone. There was no reason he should feel this great sense of loss. 

“I just feel so empty.” it may have been the most honest sentence he’d ever said. “I don't know why, its like im....” he closed his eyes, pretending he was alone, just let the thought that ate him alive, out. “Its like I'm broken, everyone else is a whole” his sobbing interrupted him. “A whole functioning person and I'm missing some necessary part.” he took another rest, probing at the nothingness in his chest for answers.

“I... I don't know what I look like.....” he hadn't even let himself think that before now. “I just look in the mirror and see: long hair, pale, orange eyes,” his voice was speeding up now, the pressure built up behind each thought forcing it forward. “The rest is too hard to focus on. How fucked up is that how fucked up am I?” he was starting to jumble the words now.

” I'm not a good person. I'm a lazy self-centered, broken piece of shit. no one's ever wanted me. No one will ever want me, I'm damaged goods. I'm a decent lay, and a good one-liner-factory. But that's it, that's all im good for, a cheap laugh, a cheap fuck. I've killed people!”  he didn't realize he was going to say it. It just came. “I was on a boat and there was this man and I fired Magic missile and he fell off the side, and I just ran, I ran like a fucking coward. And I hid out, until I got the Sizzle It up with Taako gig, and then I used That to kill an entire small town! Kids, couples, elderly grandmothers, they loved me and I killed them, and ran and hid. And who the Fuck does that, who just kills a town? I fucking deserve to be alone, I deserve to feel like *I'm broken. I'm* not* a good* per*son” 

he was crying too hard to talk anymore. Magnus pulled him in close, pressing his lips, to the top of his head, and breathing for a couple minutes, the warmth around Taako felt so nice compared to the icy darkness in his chest. 

“Do you want to say any more?” Taako shook his head a fraction. “Taako.” the Elf didn't respond. “Taako could you look at me, you don't have to, but....” taako did a couple deep breaths, then tilted his eyes up “Taako, would I lie to you.”  **_everyone lies to me..... But not Magnus, and not here and now. Now with those deep yes looked with mine like this._ **

“No.” he barely spoke it.

“Taako, I listened to everything you said, and I thought about it. And I don't think you're a bad person.” tears clouded Takako's vision but he stayed looking up at Magnus. He needed to see if he meant it.  “Bad people don't feel sorry about what they do, Bad people don't try to better. Bad people don't punish themselves like this, Taako.” he couldn't take the honesty anymore, he curled into Magnus’ chest and stopped trying not to cry. 

It was a while before he had stopped naturally, cooling down to shaking little breaths. 

“Feel better?” Magnus asked after a minute. And Taako did, he felt exhausted, and scrubbed raw, and runny in the face region, but somehow that was okay, because a small bit of that nothingness that been inside of him was outside, not only had he lett all of the evil thoughts out of his head for a couple seconds, but someone had been there to help deal with them.  

“yah, “ he sighed “ Magnus?” 

“Yah?” 

“There's no way Julia isn't proud of you.” 

“Thanks, that means a lot,” he said after a moment.

   *****

   Taako woke, warm, and safe. And needing to pee so bad he could taste it. He carefully untangled himself from Magnus. And skeeted down the hall to the Bathroom. It was only afterward he wondered where to go next. He was still tired, and he wanted nothing in the world more than to return to the warm land of Magnus’ bed, but he didn't want to intrude. He stood, shivering in the cold of the living room. Before, walking back to Magnus’ door.  **_This is selfish_ ** .  **_Magnus doesn't want to wake up next me_ ** .  He ignored the voice and quietly walked in. Magnus was sitting up he turned with half-awake eyes.

   “Oh, i...”Taako began 

   “I just have to use the bathroom,” Magnus said, stretching and standing. “You can stay if your still tired” Taako nodded and climbed in between the sheets. And waited.

   “Thanks for not being in a sexy pose, this time.” Magnus joked. Taako blushed unsure what to say. There was a moment where Magnus looked like he was debating about talking about something. “I'm flattered you know. “ he decided.

   “I'm sorry,” Tako blurted, covering his face with his hands. “It just with being on the moon, and -”

   “No no you're fine. You don't have to be like I said I'm flattered, And I forget that people don't know I'm spoken for, and miss signals, and do things like inviting the man who’s clearly checking me out into my room for the night.”

   “I'm still, sorry. I shouldn't of  assumed, I just lounged across your bed like we had discussed everything already”

   “That wasn't even it... I thought you were her, for a split second, you know? With the hair, and the booze, and the dark. And then she was gone all again.” 

   “I'm sorry I did that to you.” Magnus seemed to decide, that Taako was going to apologize no matter what. 

   “I forgive you.” he smiled and crawled into the bed. They were quite as they got back to comfortable. And then they were both thinkings.

   “Are we-”

   “If you-”

   They both tried to say at the same time. 

   “You first, ”Magnus offered.

   “Are we still  _ just friends _ ?” the question sounded dumb outside of Takako's head. “I mean last night was really intimate like I think the closest I've ever been with a person, and I still find you rather attractive. Although id be fine if you don't think of me that way, it's just, I just, I'd rather know, you know?” he bit his tongue to keep from doing more stream of consciousness word vomit. 

   “Look, taako”  Magnus sighed “I've only ever had.... sex with one person, and I plan to die that way.” he closed his eyes red creeping up his cheeks. “It's not that I don't find you attractive, because I way do. It's just not for me anymore. I made vows, and I'm going to keep them. You know?” Taako nodded blushing as well. “But I don't think we're _ just friends _ . Were  **friends** Taako. And one of the benefits of being my friend is having someone to cry with at 3am with no warning. Or something warm and non-judgemental to cuddle with when its cold, and your head hurts.” there was a pause as he thought “you also get extremely discounted carpentry and someone who wields an Axe real good!” Taako laughed a pretty little laugh, and there was a pleasant silence...

“What were you going to say?”

“Oh, I was going to say, your welcome in my bed, whenever.” 

“I thought you just said...”

“I meant Platonically.” Magnus said, smiling  “ like if you need someone to talk to, or cry at, or warm you up. I'm here.” another quiet moment filled with warmth passed. “Knock first. Though.” Taako nodded

“Thanks.” 

“Anytime.” 


End file.
